Most people have spent their entire lives living with other people, whether it’s their parents or a roommate. And while it’s great to have company in your home, sometimes the thought of having your own space sounds liberating. You can come and go as you please, you don’t have to worry about another person’s life, you can decorate with your favorite items and colors and relax in your pajamas until noon without being criticized.
However, living alone can also have its pitfalls, including concerns about security and nervousness around feeling lonely. While it’s legitimate to have a fear of living alone, there are ways to overcome it.
Reasons you may fear living alone
All of us at one point or another feel lonely or have had the fear of being alone. However, there are many different reasons people are afraid to live alone ranging from having anxiety, being scared or worrying about loneliness. These fears are amplified if you’re a woman.
However, we’ve got good news. There are several simple steps you can take to help make your abode more secure, boost your comfort level and enjoy your freedom to its fullest. But first, let’s examine some reasons you fear living alone and some symptoms that go along with it.
Mental health conditions and anxiety disorders
Mental health and different forms of anxiety can make the idea of living alone extremely difficult. Whether it’s a specific disorder or a fear from a previous traumatic experience, it’s a good idea to do some research on symptoms of phobias and how to overcome them with treatment.
And don’t worry, you’re not alone. In recent years, studies have shown that Millenials are the loneliest generation next to Gen X and Babyboomers.
Remember, it’s always good to keep an eye on your mental health and phobias and to do so, there are several different online medical resources — such as Healthline Media — that use academic research institutions and do peer-reviewed studies to help you better understand mental disorders and specific phobias. If you live outside the U.S., there are different resources for you, such as Anxiety Care UK.
Here are a few other anxiety disorders and phobias that could lead to feelings of anxiety about living alone.
Monophobia or Autophobia
Many people experience some form of anxiety or specific phobias and one type is Monophobia, or Autophobia, which is the fear of being alone. Autophobia is currently not an official diagnosis by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fifth edition, which has strict sourcing guidelines. However, it’s currently a subcategory of other phobias.
Understanding autophobia is difficult as this particular phobia can manifest differently from person to person. Some people might experience the fear of being separated from a specific person, while others might experience fear of being home alone or fear the feeling of being lonely.
However, it’s important to note that this phobia is different than just feeling lonely. According to Medical News Today, “Loneliness refers to negative emotions that arise when a person feels that they have too few social interactions or meaningful connections… Having autophobia involves severe anxiety triggered by the idea of spending time alone.”
This form of anxiety can manifest with different physical symptoms. Here are some of the common symptoms of this phobia including heart palpitations, chest pain, sweating, shaking and chills. There are different types of treatment for autophobia and other phobias, some of which include, cognitive behavioral therapy, speaking to a mental health professional and exposure therapy.
Separation anxiety disorder or severe anxiety
Severe anxiety is not the same as a phobia. As mentioned, there are several different anxiety disorders and one of them is separation anxiety. This disorder can come from underlying issues from childhood, such as parental divorce or other childhood experiences that can sometimes lead into adulthood. There are different anxiety symptoms ranging from the fear of leaving home to the fear of leaving a loved one.
As for every other anxiety disorder, there are different anxiety levels that can go anywhere from extreme distress to panic attacks. The good news is there are different forms of treatment that can help reduce your fear caused by separation anxiety symptoms.
If at a certain point you want to work on your specific phobias or fear, find someone who can provide medical advice who knows your medical history. While you can try to self-regulate, there are treatment plans a therapist can help you with to help you overcome fear, including providing medical advice, exposure therapy or avoiding anxiety triggers.
Safety
Even if you don’t have a fear of being alone, safety is a concern when it comes to living alone. It can even give you trouble sleeping or provide doubts about even considering living alone. And, wanting to feel safe isn’t a bad thing, especially when there are situations, such as burglars, that are an actual threat.
If it makes you feel better, you can go to extreme lengths to make yourself feel physically safe in your own home. Consider products such as AddaLock or alarms to make your home feel safer and take away your fear.
Community
Another reason some people don’t like the thought of living alone is the sense of loneliness or a loss of community. We all rely on relationships in our everyday life, whether it be friends or family. These relationships are what make our lives full and interesting. When you feel like you’ve lost that, it’s hard and isolating.
However, just because you live alone doesn’t mean you are alone. Living alone can actually be a great way to cool down and give yourself a place to regroup after being around so many people.
How to help overcome the fear of living alone, or autophobia
Whether you have a fear or phobia of being alone or are just worried about loneliness, there are ways to overcome it. The following 13 strategies will help you get over your fear of being alone.
1. Do small things alone first
If you’re not used to being alone, then it might be a good idea to start doing small things alone first. Take yourself to lunch and enjoy the bliss of eating solo or take yourself to a movie and rejoice in being able to eat the popcorn all by yourself. No matter what kind of activity you pick, this is a great place to learn how to be your own best friend.
2. Get to know your neighbors
Once you get settled in, spend a few days checking out who lives around you. Listen to your gut and introduce yourself to those who seem trustworthy and start to build a relationship. Elderly couples and other women living alone is a good start.
We’re not talking about spending time with them, you don’t even have to become best friends. But having a neighbor to turn to, whether it’s to borrow a cup of sugar or to ask for help in an emergency, will go a long way toward helping you feel comfortable living alone. It would be an added bonus if you ended up with some new friends who would help with loneliness.
3. Keep friends and family in the loop
Whether you’re headed out on a date, going for a run in the park or traveling with your girlfriends, let your friends and family know your plans. You might consider using one of these free personal security apps, which will notify your emergency contacts if you don’t arrive at your destination. Plus, they offer a handful of other security features, like GPS tracking.
4. Keep your eyes wide open
Stay alert, stay alive. This is especially true when you’re entering and exiting your apartment. Be aware of the people in your surroundings and if a person gives you bad feelings, trust it and get to a safe place immediately.
When you’re in the parking lot of your apartment or condominium, keep your keys in hand and walk with confidence and focus. You may consider calling a friend and talking on your phone until you’re safely inside your car or in your home.
5. Purchase a security system
You don’t have to have a phobia or fear to have a security system. Security systems are no longer reserved for sprawling suburban estates. These days, well-respected security companies like Ring, ADT, FrontPoint and Protect America offer effective, budget-friendly security systems that are perfect for apartments, condominiums and lofts.
Opt for a wireless system so you don’t have to drill holes. As a bonus, wireless security systems are notoriously easy to install and when you’re ready to move, many providers will let you take your system with you.
Don’t open the door to anyone who knocks or rings the doorbell. Look through the peephole or ask the person for identification. If you feel uncomfortable opening the door, ask them to return at a later time. Or, you can call a neighbor and ask them to keep you company as you let the person visiting in.
6. Get a four-legged companion to ease autophobia
Nothing beats being greeted by a wagging tail after a long day at work. In addition to warming your heart and curing your loneliness, Fido can deter criminals and help alert you to danger. Of course, you’ll want to check with your landlord to make sure they allow pets before picking up your new furry friend.
7. Don’t blab about what you’re up to
Having some fear is good when it comes to keeping you safe. Whether it’s a friendly cashier or a new acquaintance, be wary of telling anyone you don’t know well that you live alone.
And while it’s tempting to update Facebook or Instagram with your whereabouts, doing so can put you in harm’s way. Avoid social media updates that can clue people into the fact that you live by yourself.
8. Give your home a lived-in look
Letting your mail pile up in the mailbox can tip off criminals you’re not home. If you’re going out of town, ask a trusted neighbor to keep an eye on your apartment. Consider putting interior lights on timers, so your apartment always appears occupied.
9. Cozy up your residence
Living alone is fabulous when you crave solitude, but it can get a bit lonesome. Make your residence a comfortable and lovely space, with pictures of friends and family and sentimental items like a favorite throw blanket or a beloved scented candle to combat loneliness.
Turning up the tunes can boost your spirits and mask those random creaks so you feel more at ease. Of course, you don’t want to upset your neighbors, so keep the volume reasonable. And don’t overdo it in the late hours. Voilà, home sweet home!
10. Pump up your social life
Loneliness is a state of mind more than anything else, but it doesn’t hurt to keep an active social life. Consider hosting a dinner party or inviting a few girlfriends over for a happy hour. Good company and laughter will make your house feel like a home in no time.
11. Lock doors and windows
No one wants to feel like they’re living in a high-security prison, but keeping doors and windows locked can offer you a valuable sense of security and ease your fear of living alone. Many apartments have sliding glass doors, often with subpar locks. Secure a sliding glass door with a metal sliding glass door lock or pole to help secure it. Remember to lock your door when you step out, even if it’s just for picking up the mail or keeping the trash out. It only takes a moment for someone to sneak in, so it’s better safe than sorry.
Before you move in, don’t hesitate to check that all door and window locks work properly. If they don’t, have the landlord fix them before you sign the lease.
12. Get informed about crime trends
Discovering what type of crime is happening in your neighborhood can help you feel more secure in your apartment because you’re more aware. There are a number of free crime-mapping websites, such as CrimeMapping.com, that reveal the location and type of crime, as well as the date of occurrence.
13. Have an exit plan
Create an exit plan in case of an emergency, such as fire, natural disaster or a break-in. If you will be out of your home for a few days, know whom you can stay with. Include your friends in the plan, so they can support you when needed. Keep all the items you want to take with you in the same room to create a calm and controlled setting in an emergency.
Living alone is fun!
Living on your own is a fun, exciting adventure. Make sure to take care of your mental health and make the most of this experience by using these tips to avoid the fear of living alone.
