There are tons of reasons roommates might break up. Maybe you really aren’t compatible, or perhaps you’re moving in with a significant other. Or, it could even be that you’re making more money now, and you’re ready to try and hack things on your own. Whatever the case, kicking out a roommate can be extremely tricky.
How to ask a roommate to move out
Deciding how to kick out a roommate or telling them that you’re moving out can be difficult. You don’t want to hurt their feelings, leave them blindsided or in a negative financial situation. But, you also need to live your life and can’t avoid having this unpleasant but necessary conversation.
Luckily for you, if you’re ready for a roommate breakup, we can help. Check out some polite ways and handy tips to tell your roommate to move out and ask them to leave.
Think it through
Be honest with yourself about why you want to move out (or want your roommate to go). Did you make the decision on a whim or have you given it some thought?
If a lack of compatibility is the reason why you wish to leave, don’t be hasty about making the decision. Try addressing your concerns with your roomie and see where the conversation goes.
If it’s a matter of them leaving dirty clothes scattered around the apartment or not cleaning the kitchen on their turn, you may be able to come up with a workable solution. However, if the issues run deeper than a dirty kitchen and/or loud music, it may be a different story.
Remember, finding a new living situation takes a lot of time, energy and (usually) money, so moving isn’t always the easiest way to manage the scenario. Additionally, if you’re friends with your roomie, moving could create bad blood between the two of you.
If you’re absolutely sure you want to break up, keep reading to find out how to go about doing it.
Consider the timing and place
You can opt to have the conversation at home or in a public place. Think about how your roommate will receive the news and pick a place accordingly. If you think tears and drama may be involved, and if you’re up for handling it, have the talk at home. Or, you may choose to chat at a restaurant or a park if you feel that a public venue could prevent an unnecessary scene. Be considerate of your roommate while picking a place.
Make sure you and your roommate have ample time to sit down and talk. For instance, don’t start the discussion five minutes before your roomie has to head to work or leave for an important appointment. Ask in advance when the two of you can have a chat. To avoid blindsiding them, let them know that you wish to talk about the living situation or your plans for when the lease is up.
It’s important that you give yourself and your roommate plenty of notice. You’ll both need time to adjust, figure out the finances and split up possessions, so have the discussion at least a few weeks before the date you’ve decided to move out. In most cases, a 30-day notice is customary when it comes to rental leases and related situations.
Be calm and direct
If you’re going to have the conversation, be direct. Also, avoid telling mutual friends before you get a chance to talk to your roommate. The last thing you want is for them to hear it through the grapevine and feel like you’re being dishonest.
Take responsibility and avoid accusations
Take responsibility for your decision. Avoid blaming your roommate or making any accusations. You may be moving out due to irresolvable problems (say, if they never pay the rent on time). But it’s still your decision to move out, so take ownership of it. If you think that will be difficult for you, use this tip: Try to say the word “I” more than the word “you” or “we.”
If you feel that you need to tell them the reasons you want to move out, do so directly but avoid using confrontational language. For example, “Your cleaning habits annoy me,” may not be the most constructive thing to say. Instead, try “Having a clean apartment is important to me, so I just don’t feel like we’re compatible as roommates.” It’s best not to lie in this situation because it may worsen an already awkward scene and possibly result in a web of lies you’ll have difficulty getting out of.
Split things fairly
One of the hardest parts about a roommate breakup is fairly splitting up your possessions, especially if you went in together on big-ticket items. That’s why divorce lawyers get paid the big bucks to keep splitting things up as reasonable as possible.
Sit down with each other and figure out what makes the most sense. Is your roomie going to keep everything and reimburse you? Or, do you get the couch and they get the TV? Compromise is key here.
Manage your stuff
If you’re the one moving out, be sure to have a plan for all your stuff. Don’t leave anything behind for your roommate to deal with. If you don’t want to take all your belongings to your new place, sell, donate or toss whatever you don’t need or ask your roommate if they’d like to keep anything.
Don’t forget your lease
Remember, just because you decided to move out doesn’t mean your legal responsibility to pay rent and utilities is over. Before kicking your roommate out, there are some things you need to know.
The bad news is you can’t legally force a roommate off of the lease unless they’re convicted of a crime. So, don’t have the conversation about breaking up before you look into your legal responsibilities. Otherwise, you might find yourself in an uncomfortable situation.
That being said, some landlords will be willing to remove your roommate from the lease so it doesn’t hurt to ask. Keep in mind that this means the roommate is willing to take over your portion of the rent and utilities.
There are a couple of other options available to you if you want out. You can find another roommate and ask the landlord to simply change the name on the lease. Or, if you’re leaving before the end of the lease term and your roommate can’t afford to cover the rent, it’s your responsibility to find someone to sublease or to continue paying each month yourself. It’s important to talk to your landlord about your options for subletting your room. You can pay and break the lease but doing that will result in your having to find a new place to live.
With most things in life, talking about options honestly and asking for what you want is a good option. Talk to your landlord about your options, and in most cases, you’ll be able to work it out. But know that your legal options are very limited to get a roommate off the lease if your landlord won’t budge.
Keep in touch
If you’re staying in the same city and you value your roommate’s friendship, put in the effort to stay in touch. If there’s any awkwardness about you moving out, invite them to your new place for drinks or a game night once you get settled.
They may not feel comfortable asking you to hang out, so step up and take care of it yourself. The awkwardness will fade away once you both realize your friendship isn’t over, it’s just your living situation that has changed.
Figuring out how to kick out a roommate is hard
Asking someone to move out or informing them you’re moving out is tough. It’s a daunting conversation no one wants to have. However, sometimes it’s necessary to kick out a roommate, and hopefully, with these tips and ideas, it’ll be a whole lot easier and you’ll be in a position to move forward with your lease and your life.
